‘Love your neighbour as you love yourself’ is a verse from the bible. Apparently similar verses can be found in other religious texts as well. However you do not have to be religious to benefit from the theme of this verse – self care.

A lot of people have grown up thinking that they need to put other people’s needs before their own. They feel that this is the noble and right thing to do. They believe that they should be at the bottom of the pack that their children, partners, parents, friends should all be put before them. Then I come along and tell them this way of being might be harming them. I use the metaphor of an oxygen mask…

If you have ever been on a plane before (or watched any films) you will know that the stewards do a safety briefing before the plane takes off. This talks about the brace position, the life vests and what to do if the oxygen masks are released. They usually show a picture like this.

They say that, if the oxygen mask comes down, it does not matter if you are with your 5 year old child or your 95 year old grandmother, that mask goes on you first. So, why do they say this? Doesn’t that seem crazy to put yours on first before even your child’s? Well, let’s think about it. If you didn’t put yours on first what would happen? You would suffocate. Then you wouldn’t be able to help anyone else at all. However, if you had affixed yours firmly, and were breathing deeply, you could go ahead and help your whole row if you wanted to.

A lot of the time we hear phrases like ‘burn out’ or ‘breakdown’ and this is often when someone has been trying to help everyone else with their oxygen without making sure theirs is in place and they emotionally and mentally suffocate.

On the other hand, if you are great at self care then you will be mentally and emotionally stronger and will be able to help more people for longer. It’s no accident that they teach counsellors and psychotherapists self care on their courses.

So, if you think you might not have your oxygen mask on then maybe have a think what needs to change. How can you start taking care of yourself?

The good news is, if you are great at taking care of others, then we know you have the capability to do this. You just have to turn that inward.

Love yourself as you would love your best friend!