I’m hearing a lot about positivity lately. The word seems to be everywhere. People talking about how to be positive during these times. How to stay positive. How to develop a positive mindset. How to keep a positive attitude. And so on and so on.

Now, these messages can be ok depending on what your definition of positivity is.

If your definition of the word ‘positivity’ includes ‘being happy’ then this is where things can start to go wrong.

More and more in our Western society there seems to be a pursuit of happiness. Even though we are all ‘saying’ it’s ok to not be ok we still don’t like to ‘feel’ any so-called negative feelings. We don’t like suffering. We also have specialists and doctors telling us we have a mental health issue or a disorder if those feelings go on too long or are too much for us to cope with at that time or we don’t understand them. This can lead to a society that is desperately trying to be happy all the time.

Because of all this it can be very easy for someone to mix up ‘positivity’ with ‘being happy’ but this can lead to feeling even worse. There’s even a term for it – Toxic Positivity. Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset. If we are putting pressure on ourselves to feel positive or happy during a bad situation it might not be achievable. This can then lead to us feeling like we are a failure. We can get into trouble thinking “everyone else is staying positive – why can’t I?” This can then lead to shame and shame is a very debilitating emotion.

Personally, over the last year, I have felt low, I’ve felt sad, I’ve felt frustrated, I’ve felt angry, I’ve felt jealous, I’ve felt extreme anxiety, I’ve felt overwhelmed. Through all this though I have kept hold of one thing – hope. I knew things would change. I knew these feelings wouldn’t be constant. I knew I had the power to change some things myself. I had hope.

For me this is being positive – going through a period of suffering but knowing it won’t be forever. Allowing yourself to feel the feelings but know that you will be able to change things.

Therefore, maybe instead of telling people to ‘stay positive’ we should be saying ‘stay hopeful’ just so they know exactly what we mean.