Wellbeing Archives - Page 2 of 3

Emotional Health & Wellbeing Resource

May 13

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

Anxiety is Helpful – #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

As it is #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek this week I am going to try and do a quick something every day. Today is A for Anxiety… Ok – first off – anxiety is normal. We should all get scared when crossing the road and cars are coming at us or in a field with a bull (we go walking a lot), or before an exam. This is to get the body ready for the fight, flight or freeze and to keep us safe. However, if you are suffering from what is termed ‘chronic anxiety’, these feelings can happen almost all the time and can feel crippling but… it can still be helpful! Anxiety is your body’s way of telling you something in your world isn’t right and needs to change! So, whenever a client tells me they are suffering from anxiety, I first ask them whether there is anything in their outer world that might need to change. This might be that you are in a situation that isn’t good for you, or that you are actually in danger, or that you are not looking after yourself etc etc. If there is something they feel needs […]

May 06

by Kelly in Wellbeing 1 comments

Why going to therapy is not weakness. (warning 80’s references included but explained)

A lot of the time people who are speaking to me in therapy will say that they feel that they are weak for having to seek support. I also know that a lot of people leave it a very long time, often until things become really bad, before they go to therapy because they feel they are showing weakness. So I wanted to say the reason I think this is not true. You might realise by now that I like to use metaphors. This is because, whenever I use them in the therapy room, they seem to be the things that the clients remember most. And I think there is a really good metaphor for therapy wrapped up in an old 80’s kid’s TV programme. Knightmare (80’s reference) There was an amazing (in my opinion) kid’s TV show that started in the 80’s called Knightmare. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about and want to know then you can have a look at the first ever episode here) In this show the main contestant was blindfolded in a dark room and his fellow contestants were the only ones who could see how to get out […]

Apr 26

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

Imposter Syndrome – Do you feel like a fraud?

One of my readers has asked me to talk about the concept that is now widely known as imposter syndrome so I thought I’d do an introduction blog discussing the phenomenon, how to know whether you are suffering from the symptoms and thinking about how it affects you personally. As imposter syndrome is closely linked with low self-worth, which I will be writing about in future blogs, I will offer more ways to work on it in those future blogs so look out for them. Definition The term imposter syndrome was first coined in the 1970’s but wasn’t a new concept even then – it was a label that they gave to certain internal feelings that seemed to be experienced by a large section of people. Imposter syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. It has some links to perfectionism but also has some differences. It has since become known by many names like imposter syndrome, imposter phenomenon, imposterism and the imposter experience. As the world of psychology is trying to move away from medicalising human experience I will refer to it […]

Apr 06

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

Mental Illness – Is it genetic?

In a nutshell – we have no idea! They have been trying to identify any genetic components to mental illness and still have not been able to do so. This does not mean they don’t exist – just that things might be more complicated than the question implies. (At this point I should explain that I am not a geneticist however I have conducted an awful lot of research into the matter and this post is based on the results of that research.) The best theories so far seem to be the ones that don’t try and rely on finding one answer to the question but are a bit more holistic. More along the line of the bio-psycho-social model. I’ll explain… It makes it easier to think of genetics like a huge switchboard. If your mother has blue eyes and your father has blue eyes it is highly likely that you will have blue eyes – but not certain. The switch for blue eyes is most likely to be flipped on in this case. This is biological. This can be the case for a lot of physical characteristics however mental characteristics are not the same. They […]

Mar 27

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

The Key to Better Wellbeing… Communication.

A massive part of being healthy and having good mental wellbeing is learning how to communicate effectively. So what is communication? Well it’s quite simply defined as the ‘imparting, or exchanging, of information by speaking, writing or some other medium’. It comes from the Latin word, communis, which means ‘to share’ and I think learning to share information about ourselves and our needs is one of the keys to better wellbeing. How many times have you heard someone say ‘they don’t understand me’ or ‘no one knows how to help me’ or ‘they don’t know the right thing to do or say’? I know I’ve heard it a lot – sometimes even coming out of my own mouth! People often think that others should just know what they need. They may think that, if the other person truly cared, they would know what to do. Sometimes people think that someone needs to have gone through the same situation as them in order to understand. However, if we believe that everyone is unique then we have to accept that other people can’t just automatically understand our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. We need to understand that, even if someone has gone […]

Mar 17

by Kelly in Wellbeing 1 comments

Self Acceptance – Put your life in context.

If you are struggling to accept yourself, or the things you may have done, then it might be because you are taking yourself out of context. Often when I am speaking to clients they tell me about the things they think they have done wrong or the things they don’t like about themselves. What they usually aren’t doing is exploring the reasons why. When this happens I often use the analogy of watching a film. Let’s say that your friends are watching a film that documents a person’s life from birth to now. You walk in half way through and watch a couple of scenes in the middle of the film. You will be lost as to why the character is acting like they are or doing the things they are doing. However, if you had watched the film from beginning you would be more likely to understand them and their actions. The part you walked in on is where you see the main character has applied for a job they really want. You see a scene where they have been offered an interview but they don’t go. Now, if we saw only that scene we […]

Mar 09

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

But I have everything I want – I shouldn’t feel like this…

Consider this… Child 1 A child is born in Niger – one of the poorest countries in the world. Their family struggles for food and water every day. However, this family is an emotionally healthy family. They communicate well, they allow and express all emotions, they laugh, they instil confidence and self-esteem in their children. Therefore, this child grows up feeling good about themselves, having hope for the future and believing they are capable of good things. They believe they are loved and are worthy of love. They have been taught that they can make mistakes but this does not mean they are a failure. They can be sad but this does not mean they are weak. They can be angry and this does not make them a bad person. They accept themselves but also strive to be better every day. Child 2 A child is born in England – their family is very wealthy. They never have to worry about food, water or any other possession. However, this family is not emotionally healthy. They are unable to communicate with each other or express any emotions. They let things build up, they are silent, but then explode […]

Feb 27

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

The Jukebox Brain: A different perspective on Negative Thoughts

Pretty much every client who has come to see me has, at one time or another, spoken about their negative automatic thoughts. These are the thoughts that pop into your head, seemingly at random, that are unhelpful. Thoughts like – “I’m useless”, “I’m unloveable”, “I’m an idiot”, “I’m crazy”, “I’m ugly”, “Nobody likes me”, etc etc. I’m almost certain that there isn’t a person in the world who hasn’t had thoughts like these pop into their heads now and then. A lot of the time the clients who come and see me are so frustrated with these thoughts they talk about trying to ‘get rid of them’. Now, as much as I understand this desire, often my reply isn’t what they are looking for but it is the most truthful and realistic one that I can give. I tell them that I have NEVER given anybody the goal of ‘getting rid of’ their negative thoughts. This includes myself. I don’t even know if it’s possible to entirely ‘get rid of’ them. So, the goal I have given myself, and the one I put forward to my clients, is to work on the thoughts every time they happen. To […]

Feb 18

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

“I want to be normal”

I just wanted to quickly explain one of the main reasons why I’ve made this website and am writing these blog posts. You may have noticed that I start a lot of these blogs by saying something like ‘many clients come to me saying…’ or ‘a lot of clients have asked…’. This is because the reason I wanted to write these blogs was to highlight the fact that pretty much all human beings have similar struggles! No one will ever be exactly the same as you but lots of us struggle with the same things. In my work I am in the really privileged position of witnessing many people’s innermost thoughts and feelings. Sadly, a lot of the time, the person who is sat with me thinks that they are weird, abnormal or crazy because of the way they are feeling, or the thoughts they are having. This feeling can often lead to them being highly critical of themselves and impacting their self-worth. Having spent time with hundreds of clients, and also through my own experiences, it is my belief that low self-worth is one of the underlying factors of all emotional distress. It’s hard to be […]

Feb 03

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

ANGER MIS-MANAGEMENT: How to manage your anger healthily

There are a whole lot of groups, web pages, books etc offering tools and techniques to ‘manage’ anger. There are jaw relaxing techniques, breathing techniques, snapping, tapping and counting techniques – the list goes on… In the therapy world we will often get clients who say that they are looking for ways to “manage their anger”. My answer to this is that, if there was a quick, easy way, they would probably have found it by now given all these techniques readily available at the click of a mouse or turn of a page. Tools and techniques can help a person calm down in that moment but what they can’t do is stop you getting angry in the first place. So, if you feel that your anger is causing you a problem, in order to ‘manage’ it you need to explore what is behind your anger. So, in this blog, I’m offering you a few ways that can help you to start to explore your anger… Firstly ask yourself – am I really angry? Weird question right? Actually no. A lot of the time people use anger to cover up other emotions that they may be […]