Wellbeing Archives - Page 3 of 3

Dec 31

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

Sad is Good

This seems like the wrong time of year to post a blog about sadness but maybe it’s absolutely the right time. We seem to be a society obsessed with happiness. The self-help aisles are full of books on how to become happy and stay happy. Our New Year’s resolutions are often about ‘having a happier year next year’. But what if this eternal pursuit of happiness is actually the reason that some people feel so bad? Both in my working and personal life I’ve noticed that the people who seem to be the happiest are the ones that accept sadness as an inevitable part of their lives. They don’t think of it as a negative emotion that should be gotten rid of but as a necessary one. The people who know that sadness and depression are not the same thing. The ones that don’t think that feeling sad will inevitably lead them down into depression. These are the ones that seem to live a happier, healthier life. But this is not the message that you will often hear. You constantly hear children being told not to be sad. When Grandma passes away we tell the congregation at […]

Sep 24

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Comparison – A Learned Behaviour.

Comparison – A Learned Behaviour The other day I was walking behind a family of four and I heard the mother say to the son “Stop that now. Look – your sister’s not being naughty…” I didn’t catch what happened after that but it got me thinking about where our seemingly ingrained tendency to compare ourselves to others might start. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this person was a bad parent. I’m sure when I become a mother I will probably say something very similar it just got me thinking that adults often use comparison to try to model behaviour. So we grow up looking at our behaviours, achievements, abilities etc in the light of other people’s and this seems to carry on into adulthood. I can honestly say that EVERY client I have ever sat with has showed that they compare themselves to others at some point in their lives. Even the clients that tell me that they are happy with who they are and are comfortable being different and unique will often come out with ‘I should have a house by now’ or ‘I should have started a family by now’ or […]

Jun 10

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

School of Life Videos

The School of Life is a global organisation dedicated to developing emotional intelligence. They were set up to try and answer the questions that don’t really get answered at ‘normal’ school. They set out to address such issues as how to find fulfilling work, how to master the art of relationships, how to understand one’s past, how to achieve calm and how better to understand, and where necessary change, the world. They have some really good videos on YouTube covering an array of topics but this is one I found really brilliant… Have a look and see what you think and maybe have a look through their other stuff as well. Their website is https://www.theschooloflife.com/london/ and they also have physical ‘classrooms’ around the world. Enjoy!

Apr 21

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Great Self-Help Leaflets

If you think that you are not as emotionally healthy as you would like to be right now, or are going through a particularly tough time at the moment, but are not yet at the stage where you want to speak to someone face-to-face then you could try these Self-Help Guides:- https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/ They are really easy to read and understand and cover loads of topics including abuse, eating disorders, postnatal depression, social anxiety and sleeping problems. Take a look…

Apr 08

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Back to Basics – Food and Mood – 1

Back to Basics Food and Mood – 1 Sometimes people are surprised to hear me asking about their eating habits or their caffeine intake during their assessment but it is really important to remember that your body and your mind/brain are all one thing. In order to complete a holistic mental health assessment, we need to know what the individual is fuelling their body with as it could be having an effect on their emotional health. Caffeine The first thing I tend to ask about is caffeine intake including coffee, tea and fizzy drinks. Often, when people are in stressful situations or feel they aren’t alert enough they turn to the caffeine. Unfortunately, excessive caffeine intake can make the symptoms of stress worse and, sometimes, can even create them. One of my counselling supervisors used to tell me that he once had a client who came to him with the symptoms of anxiety. They explored what was happening and the man did have a stressful job but he had always been able to balance these feelings out. In one session they were trying to look at when he had started to feel that his stress had become overwhelming and […]

Mar 12

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

What is Empathy?

What is Empathy? When talking about emotional wellbeing it seems very important to have a look at the difference between empathy and sympathy and the different effects each one can have on people. So here is what I think the difference is… Sympathy:- Thinking how you would feel if you were going through the same thing another person is going through. Empathy:- Trying to understand how the other person might be feeling when they are going through something given their life experience. I’ll give an example to give you a bit better understanding of the difference between them and the difference it can make to an individual as to which one they receive. (This is based on clients I have worked with but no one client in particular.) Let’s say that Anne has always had an extremely difficult relationship with her mother. There has been abuse all her life but she has learnt to live with this. In later years she has become a carer for her mother and, outwardly, people think that they have a very close relationship. However, Anne is still receiving abuse from her mother on a daily basis. Then Anne’s mother passes away. […]

Mar 09

by Kelly in Wellbeing 0 comments

The Depressive Effects of Self-Criticism

In my job as a counsellor I see many clients who are suffering from the symptoms of depression or low mood. Obviously all these clients have had different events happen during their lives and no one has gone through exactly the same experiences that they have. However, I find myself telling the story below again and again. I think this is because, even though all my clients are different, there is often an underlying similarity in the way that they relate to themselves. Let me tell you the story to give you the example… The story of The Two Darts comes from Buddhist teachings and talks about the first and second darts of suffering. The first dart is the ‘inescapable physical or emotional discomfort’ that come to all of us in life. The second dart is our negative reactions to the initial dart – the one we have the option of throwing at ourselves or not. An example of story in action that I tell my clients to make it a bit clearer is this. I am cooking dinner one night for my husband and I accidentally burn my hand on the hot stove. This is the first […]